were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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