You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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