His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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