I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
whose parrot is this?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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