Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My life is pants optional.
Randomize