ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I supernannyed him into submission
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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