I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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