there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
