he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
