Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
