I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
