if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
