I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
