Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
