hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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