WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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