I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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