Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize