He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
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I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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