I molested 6 butterflies tonight
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
