hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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