Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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