:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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