Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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