And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
