It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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