Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
