our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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