He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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