shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
