i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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