I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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