I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
