is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
