Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
