it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
