Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
