so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
