Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
