every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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