no. you can't hotbox the world.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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