I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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