im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
