forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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