Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
