I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
