3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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