At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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