i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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