I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
