ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
