my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
