her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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