He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
