Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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