i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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