Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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