I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
