just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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