its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
